Even when conditions aren't ideal, its no reason to give up

Giving up, I admit I have done quite a bit of it in my life. I'm not proud of it, but its part of my past and I must let it go, while at the same time remembering the thoughts and feelings of giving up, so that now even when things aren't looking so great, I won't give up and I will keep fighting.

Today is Thanksgiving, and I did my 3rd half marathon. The conditions were not ideal at all, and when I woke up this morning at 2 am after only an hour of sleep, I contemplated not doing the race. I had given myself the challenge of 2 half marathons in 2 weeks, and I wanted to fulfill that challenge.

Another reason I contemplated not doing this race was because of some foot pain I developed on Saturday after my 18 mile run. This morning it was a dull ache, so at 2:30 am I ran up and down my street to see if I could handle the punishment of pounding the pavement for 13.1 miles. It was still at just a dull ache so I felt confident I could handle it. RNY gastric bypass patients cannot take anti inflammatory drugs such as Advil or Aleve, so that wasn't an option.

I took a somewhat long time to think about this, should I stay home or go do the race, it was burning in my mind. Finally, I decided since I was already pre-registered for the race I would go and try my best and see what happens. So, with foot pain, 1 hour of sleep, and a 2 hour and 40 minute drive ahead of me, me and Loraine loaded up the girls and the dogs and headed down to Jacksonville.

We arrived at the race site, and for the first time since I started doing races I wasn't excited about it. I was very tired, dehydrated, and after walking around on it around the race site my foot pain flared up again, more than a dull ache this time. I already had my race number on, was ready to go, we were almost 3 hours away from home, so I told myself its too late to back out now.

I lined up in the middle, wondering what was about to happen. Will I be able to maintain a 8:30 a mile pace like I did 11 days ago? Will I hit the wall from fatigue and dehydration? Will my foot demand I stop? And if I don't listen to that demand will it give out on me. I was way out of my comfort zone at this moment in the starting line. I have never been sleepy, dehydrated, and injured all at one time at the start of a race, and this was a half marathon 13.1 miles.

The gun went off and it was time to get moving, I really didn't feel like doing this. This race had 2500 runners in it. I told myself to just get through the next 13 miles as quickly as possible so we all can go home, at this moment, this advice I gave to myself seemed to be working. First mile was 8:35, mile 2 was 8:10, mile 3 was 8:17. This is about when my foot was screaming at me, but fortunately or unfortunately, not sure which one yet, I ignored it and channeled my energy on moving one foot in front of the other. Mile 4 was 8:37, mile 5 was 8:26, mile 6 was 8:22. I made it to the halfway point and mentally I felt done, I just wanted to stop so bad, and it was at this point I was regretting driving down here and doing this race.

The pain was getting bad, and the fatigue was set in, I had to put my mind somewhere else besides on running and splits. At this point all I wanted to do was break the 2 hour mark. I started thinking about my husband Joel, who will be home the second week of December. Mile 7 was 8:15, mile 8 was 8:17. Shortly after the mile 8 mile marker I sucked down a power gel. I told myself the calories, carbs and caffeine in the power gel will get me to the finish, I know this isn't true, but at this point I needed to tell myself something to keep going, since I could feel myself fading fast. Mile 9, this is where I finally hit the wall, I was gritting my teeth from the pain. I told myself, 4 more miles and it will be over, 4 more miles and I can see Loraine and the girls, call Joel on Skype on my droid phone, and get out of here and head home, 4 more miles. Mile 9 was 8:35, mile 10 was 8:38.

Mile 11 was the point I had enough of this race, and just wanted to hurry up and get to the finish so I could stop. I starred at the ground while I ran, still trying to stay under 9 minute miles, for the sheer fact that if I could maintain that, I could stop sooner. Mile 11 was 8:39, mile 12 was 8:51. Almost there, I tried hard to turn my grimaced faced from the pain to a smile for all the people on the sides of the street cheering on the runners. Finally the finish line came into view, I looked around for Loraine and the girls but didn't see them, the finish line was packed 4 deep. Mile 13 was 8:47. I crossed the finish line, I was finally able to start walking, I got my finishers medal, and found Loraine and the girls. My time was 1:51:11, a new PR, but barely, only by 26 seconds from my time 11 days ago.

We were parked in a spot by the finish line where we couldn't move until the race was almost over. I took this time to call Joel on Skype. It was really nice talking to him after that suffer fest I called a race. I was even more tired, now dizzy, and I was reduced to a limp. Now sitting at home, I am still tired, can't put any weight on my foot, and generally feeling kind of loopy.

I'm not a medical professional, so I can't say if it was truly a good idea or not to go for it and do this race today, but even though everything sucked from the second I woke up at 2 am, I didn't give up and I moved forward. I still love races, but today was just an off day for me. This is my first off day I have had on race day, and I'm sure it won't be my last.

1 Year

Yesterday was my surgiversary. 1 year ago I was rolled into an operating room, and emerged as a new woman. Yes, I looked exactly the same as I did when I was wheeled in, but it was the first moment of my new life.

I have been sitting here trying to find the words to describe what the past year has been like. It really is hard to describe. I have found myself again, I no longer feel lost, I no longer feel I am in a world that doesn't want me. I no longer face obesity discrimination in everyday life.

Last year around this time I was 26 years old, but felt much older. My knees and hips hurt, and I had trouble breathing. The extra weight I carried around was like the chains Jacob Marley carried around in "A Christmas Carol". The extra weight was a result of what I did to myself in life, it was an everyday reminder of how I messed up, and how I neglected taking care of myself.

This surgery was my second chance, a second chance to make things right, and take care of myself, a fresh start. I think I have done well with this second chance. I still know it's a tool, I never expected it to do the work for me, but it was the right tool for me. It is what I personally needed, to get my life back, my health back, and to be the wife and mom my husband and kids deserve.

The future looks bright now, nothing to dread anymore. I have so much to look forward to. This first year out from surgery has given me so much life back. I have done more living in the past year then I have in the 3 years before it. I found what I am good at, races, to date I have done 6 5k races, a 10k race and won second place in my division, 2 triathlons and won one in my division, and 2 half marathon and won second in one of them in my division. I have so many more races planned, not only in the next year, but for the rest of my life.

I am the woman I always wanted to be. I owe so much to so many people. My husband, my best friend Loraine, my family, and my friends, for all their support. My surgeon and his team for giving me the tool to get my life back. I am so grateful to everyone.

Everyday I wear a silicone wristband that says "NEVER FORGET 286 KEEP GOING" and that is what I will do for the rest of my life, I will never forget what it is like to be morbidly obese and dying, and I will always keep going.

Here are some pics from a year ago in the hospital
Before and Afters: 1 year

Race Report-Bluffton Half Marathon

Another half marathon in the books for me. This was my second half marathon. I did my first one last month, so I wasn't looking to improve my time that much since a month isn't enough time to really build on running. Lat month I ran the Marine Corps Half Marathon in Jacksonville, Florida in 2:05:13.

Several thing were different at this race. The field size was the dramatic difference, last month I was running with 2,000 people. For this race their were only 182 people running the half marathon. MP3 players were prohibited, I was fine with this since I can run with or without it. We had timing chips, but everyone had a gun start instead of a timing mat start at the starting line. It was cold. It was 37 degrees at the start of the race, and I don't own any cold weather gear, so I was in my long sleeve tech shirt and running shorts. It warmed up by the middle of the race so I was happy I was dressed minimalistic.

After a 2 hour drive we arrived to the race site at 6 am, when the organizers were set up I picked up my packet, and went to the port a potty a few times. The race started at 8 am, and I was just ready to get started since I was so cold and wanted to get moving.

The race started 10 minutes late and we were off. The past few weeks I had been practicing a 9 minute pace in my 10 and 11 mile runs, so this was the pace I was aiming for. My first mile was exactly 9 minutes. I was still so cold so I started running faster, I though to myself, just run these next few miles faster out of your comfort zone to warm up your body and then go back to 9 minute miles. Once I made it to the halfway point still going between 8:30-8:48 a mile, I figured, I made it this far, just dig down deep, and push on to the finish at this pace. Sport beans at mile 6, and 2 salt tabs helped me along the way.

Finally the finish line came into view, as I got closer I could hear my 4 year old ringing her cowbell for me. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe I was going to finish in under 2 hours. I smiled and waved at all the strangers cheering for me. I crossed the finish line and got my finishers medal in the chute. When I stopped I felt like I was going to fall over, I felt really shaky, and when Loraine and the girls caught up to me, she gave me a hug, congratulated me and I told her I couldn't believe I ran the whole thing at that pace. My finishing time was 1:51:37. A PR!

Since we had got their so early we got one of the best parking spots, but because of the way the race was set up we had to wait until after the awards were over so they could start breaking it down and we could leave,we were far away from where they were giving the awards out,so to kill time we were hanging out with the girls and playing with the dogs (I brought my 2 mini dachshunds since I had nobody to come by the house and let them outside). When they were doing the awards for the women we were vaughly listening just because we wanted to hear the top times. When they announced the female age 25-29 winners, I was completely shocked to hear my named called as the second place winner. I jogged all the way over there to get my award. It was another medal, only this one said winner instead of finisher and and the back said "2nd place female 25-29".

Sitting here the next day, I still can't believe I ran like that yesterday. I know it happened, since I am sore, and the results are posted online, but I had no idea I had that inside me. My one year surgiversary is on Wednesday, and this was truly an awesome way to top off what a great year it's been, and I have so many more years to look forward to. I am running the outback distance classic half marathon in Jacksonville, Florida on Thanksgiving, to complete the challange I gave to myself of 2 half marathons in 2 weeks. After that I am running the Jacksonville Bank Marathon on December 19, a few weeks after my husband get home from Iraq, it will be my first marathon, and I couldn't be more excited.

Here are my results from yesterday http://www.blufftonhalfmarathon.com/raceresults/BH_half_2010.htm
In the overall results I finished 87/182
In my age group, female 25-29 I finished 2/14

Here are a few pics:
Finishing
Finisher's medal right after the finish
Finisher's medal and second place medal

3 Weeks Until My Sweetie Is Home,And A Race This Weekend

Well, just like I predicted, time is at a standstill now that my husband Joel will be home from Iraq in 3 weeks. This has been a long year, and I am just ready for it to be over. I am doing all I can to make the time go by faster, long training, full time school, 2 half marathons this month, but the days just seem to drag on.

This Saturday I am running in the Bluffton Half Marathon in Bluffton, South Carolina. Lat month I ran the Marine Corps Half Marathon in 2:05:13. The conditions for this half marathon will be a little different, so I don't think I'll be able to better my time from last month. They are doing a 5k at the same time, and they are running their race with the half marathon people, so the course will be congested for the first 3 miles. Also, MP3 players are prohibited. I can run with or without my ipod nano, but given a choice, I prefer to run with it. I know many people at the race will have a problem with this rule, since so many people claim that its impossible for them to run without music. I'm excited about the race though, all this training and no races really wears me down. I train to race, I don't just train to train. The races are what keeps me going, its what gets me out of bed in the morning to hit the streets, its what gets me on my bike, and in the pool.

I am also doing the Outback Distance Classic Half Marathon in Jacksonville, FL, on Thanksgiving Day. It is such a boring holiday, especially with Joel being gone, so I though it would be fun to sign up for this race. Its benefits a local food bank in Jacksonville, so I need to bring a few canned goods when I pick up my race packet on the morning of the race.

Also to mention, I am 6 weeks away from my first marathon on December 19th. Training for it is going better than expected. Saturday I did an 18 mile training run, it hurt of course, but not as much as I imagined it would. I maintained around a 10 to 10:30 minute pace through the whole run, it felt good so this will be my target pace for the marathon. Watching the ING NYC Marathon on NBC yesterday got me really pumped up for the marathon next month. The best part is, my Joel will be there cheering me on for this milestone race.