Trying to Move On

I just posted what happened last Saturday while on my first metric century. It was horrifying, and I still haven't gotten over it. I have been trying to shake it off and move on, but I really feel traumatized.

I did a few runs earlier this week, in safe places that I run at often, and even though I know these places are safe, I find myself constantly looking behind, and all around. I know these are safe locations, but my mind won't let me relax and focus on the training. Today was better, I went on the Army post and did a good brick, a 20 mile bike with a 3.1 mile run, without looking back, and without being scared, so I am on the road to mental recovery.

I am still training, I won't stop, it will take more than vicious dogs to stop me. I wasted too much of my life staying inside getting more and more unhealthy because in part I was afraid of what was "out there". My husband bought me a Taurus TCP .380 to protect myself, and I have my conceal and carry permit. Not only do I refuse to be a house hermit, I also refuse to be a victim. The Army says we have to be here, and we hate it here, but there is nothing we can do about it, so I will suck it up, do what I have to do, and make the best out of a crappy situation.

Next week I am going to try to make a youtube video. Like I have mentioned before, its hard for me personally to make videos because I feel silly talking to the computer, but I haven't made one in months so it is about time.

Southern Pride Ag Ride-More like an accident report than a race report

My metric century went terribly wrong yesterday. There we only about 20 people doing the metric, and I only have a tri bike now, so I ended up doing the ride alone. I can't even type it myself without crying hysterically from the horrible memory, so I am posting this. Below is my husband's account of what happened yesterday, he put this on facebook to let all our family and friends know:

From Joel:Joel O'Malley
The girls were at a friends house and went to Chucky-Cheeses, Jillian and Loraine were on a supported bike ride, and I was at home the day after surgery relaxing. Then I got a phone call. Jillian called me crying hyst...erically, She had anoth...er PITBULL incident. She was chased 4 times during the ride. The first 3 Pitbulls that chased her only chased her about 10 feet. But the last Pitbull that chased her ran after her for about half a mile growling at her. She said it got so close that it almost bit her tire. She did not have her gun on her as we thought that this would not have been an issue but apparently all the Pitbull owners have a lack of care for human life as the are just let to roam the streets and highways. She was so scared, one because once again the only breed of dog that we have issues with, (PITBULLS), chased her down with blood in its eye, but also because where the last Pitbull chased her there was no one behind her or in front of her. So had she not been able to out run that damn stupid dog,(which according to her GPS watch she was biking at 27 MPH) she feared she would never see her family again. So needless to say, being a day out of surgery and on Percocet, I drove the 40 miles to where she was, Armed with my side arm and ready to kill that stupid animal. Luckily, Jillian made it to a rest point were she was waiting. When I made it there I picked her up and we drove to the site where the Pitbull had chased her. There was another rest area just after the BEASTS house, and the was a cop there. So I went up to the police officer and told him what had happened. He went to the house and had them put them in the house. Once again, nothing can be done because thank GOD, Jillian was able to get away and was not bit. But the sad part in it all is that now myself and Jillian live in fear where we live. I plan on doing the same, as I told Jillian I want her to carry her gun on her at all times, except for when on post because you can't carry on a a Federal Installation. It is really sad that it has to be this way. Like I said, Another Pitbull, not a Lab, or something else, A DAMN PITBULL. I HATE THOSE DOGS

So this is what happened to me, and I can't get it out of my head, I was so terrified. I have done 2 tours of duty in Iraq, the first tour being when the war started, I was a machine gunner for the lead truck in all the convoys, I wasn't as scared back then as I was today. I have been trying to get it out of my head, think of other things, but I just keep getting flashbacks, and once again experience the fear I felt yesterday. I am extremly bumed this happened, I made it to mile 49 feeling awesome, like my legs could have handled another 50. I am so depressed living here, I want to move so bad.

Why I Love To Race

As you can see from my race schedule, I have a somewhat heavy race schedule leading up to Ironman Louisville. Not super heavy, a triathlon a month until Ironman, with a metric century this weekend, but because of the races I will have to miss a few bike heavy training days in my Ironman training plan.

I love to race. It gives me so much joy. I have been addicted to them since I crossed the finish line at my first 5k. When the race starts something comes over me and I go into attack mode, not against the other competitors, against the course, and the clock. But it also goes deeper than that for me.

The morbidly obese woman is always with me, lurking in the shadows. When I am racing, she's not there, she can't keep up, I am too fast for her, even on my slow days. Racing widens the gap between me and the morbidly obese woman, and for however long the race is, I feel like me, and feel like the morbidly obese woman never existed. The four years I was morbidly obese completely disappear for those moments in time.

I still accept the morbidly obese woman, she is me and I am her, I have to accept her, and accept the past, my past. As much as I would like to burn all my fat pictures, and wish I could erase the memories of ridicule from being morbidly obese, I can't. I have to accept that it was me, and I was morbidly obese, and I have to move on.

Race Report-Hunter Army Airfield Sprint Triathlon March 5, 2011

This race was a blast! I had so much fun, and was a great start to a hopefully great triathlon season. It was a sprint-a 300 meter pool swim, a 12.4 mile bike, and a 3.1 mile run. Best of all, it was the first triathlon my husband Joel got to see me race, since he was deployed all last year. So it was Joel, my best friend Loraine, and my 2 little girls going to the race.

This triathlon had a late start, 11 am, so I actually got to wake up at my normal time of 6 am. Transition opened a 9:15, so with an hour drive to the race we left at 8 am. Got body marked and set up transition, my number was 104, I found out that this race number meant I would be one of the last people in the water, but I tried not to let that bother me.

It was a time trial start based on what you said your 100 meter swim time was at the time you registered. I was very honest with my time, and my honesty landed me in the back of the line, but no worries, I met a lot of cool people in that line, since we had an 11 minute wait to jump in the water once the race started.

Finally my turn in the water, and time for my race to start. I took off and the strangest thing happened, I swam properly. I was level in the water, hip weren't sagging, taking effective strokes. I never swim this good in training. It was a serpentine swim and I ended up passing 3 people in the pool. I hoped out of the pool and there was a long run to transition, but I was happy to be out of the pool. Total swim time including the long run to transition 7:30

T1 put on cycling shoes without socks, helmet, Garmin, took a big swig of Gatorade, grabbed bike and ran out to the mount line. T1 time 1:07

Jumped on my bike and started hammering in the big ring, for this race I took the term "sprint triathlon" quite literally. I stayed in the big ring in the big gears for the whole bike. There was a hill around mile 5, and since it was a sprint tri, I just stood up and hammered up the hill. I tried a new hydration strategy where I didn't use my bottle cages on the frame. Instead I filled my aero drink between the aerobars with a bottle of G2, so I wouldn't have to slow down to reach down to get a drink, with the aero drink the straw was right in front of my face so I could take a drink when I needed one without losing any speed. This worked out beautifully. After the turn-a-round I got to ride down the hill I had hammered up before, and it was fun! I hit 30 mph on the downhill. My one and only goal going into this race was to go sub 40 on the bike, and when I got to the bike dismount line Joel and Loraine were cheering me on and yelling I was under 40 minutes, I was so stoked. Bike time 37:34. I had the second fastest female bike split of the day.

t2 racked bike, took off helmet, took off bike shoes, put on running shoes without bothering with socks, put on running hat, switched Garmin from bike to run, and headed to the run out. T2 time was 1:26

The run was 2 laps, first lap went well while I tried to find my running legs. I speed up a lot on the second lap once my legs got used to running. I was tremendously happy that my ITBS didn't flare up, looks like all that physical therapy I have been doing is paying off, and yes, my physical therapist did give me the OK to do this race. I saw Loraine and the girls cheering for me close to the finish line, I gave them a big smile and wondered where Joel was. I saw the finish line up ahead and there he was on the other side of the finish line, cheering for me. I crossed the finish line and he gave me a big hug and kiss. Run time was 24:48

Total time was 1:12:26

We waited around for awhile because I wanted to see my final time and place posted. I never imagined what happened next. Before I could check the results posted on the bulletin board, we heard the race director announce the overall male and female winners.We heard my name announced as the second place overall female winner. Me being in denial, me and Joel looked at the bulletin board and there it was. I was in shock. We waited around for the awards ceremony and I was given a plaque to hang on the wall.

I'm happy with how I did at this race, my next sprint triathlon is on April 9th, this time with an open water river swim, and I'll finally get to try out my new wetsuit. Here are a few pics from the triathlon

Getting My Legs Back

Well, I never really lost my legs to begin with, but the IT bands are getting better. Over the weekend me, Joel, Loraine, the girls, and the weenie dogs all piled in to my tiny Chevy Cruze and we took the 11 hour drive to visit my parent in Maryland. We had fun, my eating was a little off, but I didn't expect my mom to go out and buy all my special food, so I did the best I could.

My dad took me to Performance Bicycle and bought me a cycling jersey and cycling tights. Its now too warm here for cycling tight, but now I am ahead for next winter. The cycling jersey is really nice, its my first one, it will be nice to be able to ride my bike fast and not have the back of my shirt flying up. I will definitely be wearing it for the Southern Pride Ag Ride on March 19th.

While at my parents I kept on my regular lifting schedule, since they have a home gym in the basement, and then I bundled up and went for a run in their neighborhood. I forgot to mention my brush with death last week, when I was running in my neighborhood and a pit bull came running at me snarling and showing its teeth. Fortunately my husband was with me and scared it away. Running in my parents neighborhood was really nice, its hilly, so I got to run up and down hills, which I don't have here in GA since it all flat, and no vicious dogs trying to get me. Running in their neighborhood makes me want to move even more. The best part was, I was able to run 3 miles without pain, my furthest run since I got diagnosed with ITBS. I start physical therapy on Wednesday, so I feel confident I am on the road to recovery. We drove home late on Sunday night, I drove all through the night, we pulled into our driveway around 7 am yesterday morning, I was exhausted.

First triathlon on Saturday, I am so excited. I am confident my knees will be able to handle the 3.1 mile run. The race has a late start, 11am, probably because that is when the outside temperature hits the 70s and 80s. I am happy we have good weather here, but when I look at the trade-off between living here with the crime, vicious dogs, and dangerous roads, I would much rather move, even if it does mean moving to upstate NY with the bad winters, which could potentially be one of our options for moving, we'll just have to wait and see.